What dreams may come, I always have a plan…
I’ve always been about the blueprint…
But today is not an ordinary day…
I find myself questioning the design and the master plan…
“Do I want to do this?”
“Is this necessary for my life?”
I feel like my eraser has been worn down, I dont want anymore edits to the plan…
I just want to build with what I have…
And if my dream tumbles down, I can at least say I had an attempt…
To attempt is my fear, to risk is my deepest threat…
I want so much, but I never willingly gamble on the whims of chance…
Like a tortoise, I only emerge from my shell when it is safe…
I hold on to this safety with the grip of a mother on her newborn son…
I hold on to my dream, I’m afraid to let it go…
By holding on to this dream, I am becoming trapped by an dying story of what I used to want, of who I used to be…
I have so many edits I want to make, but I want don’t want to let go of the dream I currently hold in my heart and mind…
But then I must remember that you don’t dream in ink…
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
I do it for myself…
I do it for myself…
I do it for myself…
We do it for ourselves…. that’s what we convince ourselves to believe…
But even the most egotistical man feels as though he has an audience…
Blinded by our imaginary limelight, we act as if all eyes are on us…
But we don’t care…
We do it for ourselves, or so it seems…
Yet deep down, we care that they watch…
We want them to notice…
I want them to notice…
What we’re wearing, where we’re going, what we have accomplished…
We have that special someone that we want to impress…
We want to be wanted…
Secretly, we all want to be desired and chased…
To be the prize and swept off our feet…
But until then, we must appear clueless to this desire…
We must seem blind, but remain aware…
Tying on our blindfolds, we do our best to present ourselves in top form….
All the while listening for the smallest hints of longing from our counterparts…
We all want to be wanted…
We all want to be wanted…
We all want to be wanted…
I want to be wanted…
But I do it for myself…
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
When I think of you and I, we are like strong magnets…
You cannot hold us a small distance apart and expect us to not touch…
The A.T.T.R.A.C.T.I.O.N. is just too powerful a force to simply put up with…
Remaining good friends takes so much energy…
The electromagnetic force between our hearts is just so hard to fight and resist….
I grow weak each and every day I must stay in this configuration, trying to respect your wishes…
Then finally I decide that being friends with you is just too hard and I move as far away as possible…
I would rather feel no type of attraction than be so close to you but not be together…
I want to have it all or nothing at all…
Tired of holding back…
By letting go, I become free…
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
Full speed ahead…
Time movin’ so fast it seems like I’m going back in time…
I dash past the yesterdays and yesteryears…..
I frequently try to remember the good times, but I just can’t stop…
I rush from here to there, carrying the troubles of the first world on my shoulders….
I sometimes wonder, “Where am I going?”
I know my destination, yet I never truly know why have chosen the path at hand….
But like a train on a track, I’m going full speed ahead….
….Until the rails run into the hot white sands
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
Many are called, but few are chosen….
I find myself frequently among the C.A.L.L.E.D.
Every message used to come in so clearly….
My heart was wrapped around each mission, motto, and aim….
But eventually the calls begin to lose their pungency…
I, not being chosen, began to grow deadened to all the calls…
They eventually became just noise, and I was drowned in disharmony and shame….
My ears fell of my face….
My heart became unfixed from its passions….
I no longer hear, I no longer feel….
And hear I sit, reading the calls in their eyes…
I remember when I was like them….
I watch the chosen ones…
…..and then I whisper in my mind, “Why?”
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
Never wore a crown….
Never donned a sash….
Never walked in that fashion show…
Never had a photo shoot….
Never became “president”….
Never was voted into office…
Never was chosen to be in that organization…
Never strolled…
Never stepped….
Never did a pageant….
Never went to all those parties….
Never was a part of that “crew”….
Never crossed the burning sands….
I didn’t do most of the things I dreamed of and expected to do….
Sometimes I feel like a failure….
Other times I just think that this setting wasn’t fully meant for me….
But then I realize that everthing happens for a reason and each dream come true in its own special time and place….
Even though I never did all these things, there is no telling what amazing and awesome events will take place in this life of mine….
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
Sitting high on the shelf….
Seldom touched but caressed by stares….
Hardly anyone climbs up to take a closer look….
Most who do have dirty hands and eyes filled with superficial promise….
But along comes those who are worthy to not only hold but remove this piece of G.L.A.S.S. from its lofty locale….
They tend to admire its design, shape, texture, and gem-encrusted surface….
However, they find excuses to put it back after some time….
“I don’t want to break you”
“You seem so fragile”
“I am not worthy of you”
“I am not on your level”
“You are not worth all this”
“You have too much going on”
“You are not what I was looking for, deep down”
And so, it is put back on the shelf, waiting for the next time to be held….
It still remembers the warmth of touch and the feeling of actually being moved and active….
But now it returns back to its sedentary condition, amongst the dust and shadows….
Sometimes this piece of glass dreams of getting broken, finally becoming more appropriate for touching and being removed from the shelf……
It dreams that its mending with make it more tangible to others, its fractures more relatable….
But the glassmaker comes along from time to time and says:
“You are made for a purpose”
Even though this phrase seems so empty at times, it reminds this piece of glass that to be broken takes away from its ultimate goal and value….
….But one day, it will be removed from the shelf for good, taken away by the owner that will never drop it…..
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
Hiding in plain sight…
What was the fun in that when the air was darker than jasper as a result of the sun being murdered by the moon….
The moon was jealous and finally had enough….
But why kill the vessel that you attempt to emulate with such passion…..
As I drift through the void, I began to see all the moons arise…..
The suns begin to set and the night finds her inception….
I used to be one of “those” moons, intensely tracking the many suns that made my existence relevant….
And as I waxed, I found myself more confident and agile….
I shined so brightly and began to take on the roles of the many suns that had just withdrew from the horizon….
I took on full glory, bathing the jasper air with my beams, narcisstically gaping at my reflection in the most placid lakes and seas….
But as I waned, my confidence declined and I didn’t shine as bright….
I envied the suns who found their dawn again and again….
I became filled with jealously, my moonbeams shining with a ruddy tinge….
One night a dagger appeared…
I reach for it but never grasped it….
Even though I was beginning to wax, I still could not take the weapon and fulfill my most vivid midday dreams….
To this night, I have left the dagger among the stars….
I continue to shine through the suns, sharing the sky with the other moons and the myriad of stars….
I wonder always, was I coward? was I too afraid?
But then I realize how foolish it would be to snuff out your source of luminescense, no matter how indirect it may be….
I want the ample amount of light that I have instead lingering boldly in plain sight at last, yet not having the faintest bit of light in order to be seen….
Sincerely,
Sir Semaj
